I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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