we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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