i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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