You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
