You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
