you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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