5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
