Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
