Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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