A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
