WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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