i just had sex bonerless
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
