I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
