Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
