i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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