He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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