I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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