I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize