Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
