When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
