WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
