sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
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I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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