my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
