I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
