I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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