M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
