either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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