i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
