I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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