I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
