You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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