Cold hands, warm shart.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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