yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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