Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
