Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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