I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
