if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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