It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
