pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
