at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
