i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
