from now on my penis is your penis
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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