dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
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We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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