I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
