Four minutes until I can fart!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
