How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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