Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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