3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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