I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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