I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
