god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize