I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
