Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
