so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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