I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
