So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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