He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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