somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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