your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
