I wanna bring you to show and tell
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
