I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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