Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
