so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
they need to just BURY HIM!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
