Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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