..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
false alarm, still single
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
