I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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