Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
