after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
