he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
