i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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