bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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