What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sex on roller skates
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.