If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
NoShamevember. You game?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome