Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?