Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
