Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
