Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize