So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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