Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
