I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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