Soap is not a condiment
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
