you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
