I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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